New job, new home, new country

...or "Why I have been blog-absent so long, Part the Second"


So, you may have heard that the United States, and most of the rest of the world, is experiencing something of an economic downturn of late.  There have been a few news stories about it.  You may not know, however, that academia, as an industry, has been hit hard.  It doesn't compete for grimness to the auto industry, but it is pretty dire.

This is a particularly grim turn because academia has always been an almost delusional job choice for anyone seeking to secure a future income or, you know, pay this month's rent.  For many years it has been understood that if you get a job that is a good fit, you take it, regardless of where it might take you in the world.  Scholars who have geographic restrictions  (or other sorts of limiting standards) on where they will work, often for excellent reasons like a partner's career, children's needs, elderly relatives, etc., are most often the people who end up leaving academia for another career.

For years you have heard people say that if they had known what the prospects were for employment, they never would have applied to graduate school.  Graduate programs churn out candidates yearly at a rate that is exponentially greater than the number of jobs those same schools have been been able to provide for these candidates.  Salaries for the few jobs that exist are minute compared to the amount of educational debt graduates have amassed getting them.  There is a steady shift away from tenure-track jobs (that is, jobs that offer you the opportunity to achieve job security after 6-8 years of unimaginably frantic activity) to "casualized labor" (part-time and visiting jobs, with no guarantee that your contract will be renewed after 1-3 years).  And graduate programs have ever less scholarship and fellowship money to ease their students through the 5-10 years it takes to acquire a Ph.D. 

In part because of this, conferences and other academic get-togethers have had an increasingly feral atmosphere about them, as everyone struggles to acquire the few jobs and opportunities for professional accomplishment that are available.  Tenured faculty are vocally worried about what will become of their students, and express their concern both for an industry that is adapting poorly to new economic realities and for the young scholars to whom they are emotionally attached. They advise their graduate charges to take as long as possible finishing their dissertation, because (in funded programs) the $20,000 a year and benefits you get for teaching as a graduate student is better than the unemployment waiting for you as a doctor.

Young scholars put off having children indefinitely because they don't want it to interfere with the completion of the dissertation, the job search, or the tenure track.  In the sciences, I have heard that it is impossible to get a post-doc (a stage between graduate school and professorial employment that is essential in many fields) if you are visibly pregnant.  No one wants to hire someone who will immediately go on maternity leave.  In my own (humanities) field, I recently heard of a major program which rescinded a graduate student's funding when she became pregnant, and then made the department too hostile an environment for her to stay in school.

And let's be clear: no one (except me and other doe-like 21-year-old graduate school applicants who imagined the academic life was about the love of learning and intellectual exchange) ever thought that the academic life was anything but solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.   But now that the public schools (always at war with their state legislatures over funding) are in mortal peril of financial collapse, the private schools have seen their endowments halved, and hiring freezes and salary cuts are the norm, all the flaws of the profession have been intensified.

I have been on the job market the last two years, in English Literature and Drama, and it was both brutal and strangely buoying.  After all, when you go on job visits, everyone is unprecedentedly enthusiastic about your work, work which has otherwise been done in increasingly wacky solitude.  And going through the questionings of the job interview process helped clarify my ideas immensely, facilitating a much faster completion of my dissertation than would otherwise have been possible.

But the vast majority of it (like the audition process for a performer) was about managing rejection.  After all, a single job advertisement, even in a highly specialized field, will receive between 150 and 750 applications, and there are a million different reasons you could be weeded out at any step of the process, ranging from "I work on a subject that arouses a particular irritation in a member of the search committee because of a childhood trauma" or "Someone in the department is engaged in a longstanding intellectual war with my feudal overlord, er, academic advisor" to  "The committee doesn't think I'd actually take the job, and they don't want to waste their time on me just to be rejected at the last moment." 

In fact, in my second year on the job market (after coming in second place for a bevy of jobs I had become emotionally attached to), I became convinced that my situation was no different from that of a woman on the marriage mart in a 19th century novel.  I began to use phrases like "old maid" while I did economic analyses of how being "stale" affected my desirability on the market.  I conceived of my academic mentor (a great adviser who invests a lot of his sense of self in seeing his students well employed and intellectually productive in the field - he has a perfect placement record so far) as a sort of Mr.  (or, worse, Mrs.) Bennet, overwhelmed with an overabundance of daughters, and desperate about how he would finally get me (the eldest) safely married off before I ruined his statistics and cast the others into doubt.

My parents and non-academic friends laughed.  My friends from graduate school sighed.  I began to feel like my novel's ending was going to be less Jane Austen and more Edith Wharton.

And then, late in the season: a miracle job, in Canada, exactly in my field, with a very reasonable teaching load and a very reputable salary and benefits package.  Praise the job market gods. 

I hadn't heard from this school in a long time, which is why I thought I hadn't gotten the job.  It had been a particularly nasty winter, and in fact every job visit I went on last year was disrupted by a blizzard.  My flights kept getting canceled because of snow, which meant that I had to call the department chairs and have them rearrange and greatly accelerate the pace of my visits around my new, later arrival time.  For this job visit to Nova Scotia, my early morning flight out of La Guardia was canceled amidst the snow, so I was put on another flight out of JFK late that night.  I made my way across town to the other airport by bus, and then settled in for the long day's wait, a little uncomfortable with the fact that I had gotten very little sleep the night before, and would have little opportunity for more between arriving at the hotel in Halifax, NS and the start of interview activities the next day.  As I pondered this, I looked up at the airport televisions.  They showed an airplane sinking into the Hudson.  This was the very day that "Sully" Sullenberger and Jeffrey Skiles so deftly avoided disaster after their flight from La Guardia was disturbed by bird hits.  But all any of us could see on the muted television screens was that a plane had gone down in New York, none too far from where we were about to get on our own flights.

At any rate, I made my exhausted way through the job visit, and enjoyed everyone I met and what little I saw of the school and the city.  Everyone kept telling me that this was the coldest day they could ever remember.  It felt cold, but not brutally so.  Perhaps I was expecting even more extreme cold from Canada.  I came home, sent off a thank you note, went about another job visit, waited for the replies.  And didn't hear anything for a long time.  The other job regretfully took another candidate, although they very kindly assured me that they had also wanted to hire me and were sure I had a great career ahead of me.  (See how easy it is to map the emotional experience of the academic job search onto every single breakup or romantic humiliation you have ever had?)  And then I began to accustom myself to the idea of being on the job market a third year in a row.  D tried to convince me to come to LA, where we could live off his income while I wrote and published and reapplied for jobs.  He proposed that this was a win-win situation: either I got a job, or we got to be together, geographically, after 7 years of career-imposed long distance.  But I knew that if I wasn't actively working as a teacher, at a university, then that would be the end of my academic career. 

I got the job offer when I was on the train, heading for JFK again, ready to get on a plane to LA to visit Dan and strategize the next year.  My department, which everyone, despite my skepticism, had always believed was prestigious enough to guarantee me a job, had ten or twelve people on the market last year.  Really brilliant people.  Among all of us, we received three tenure-track job offers.  The previous year, a single candidate from my department had received three similar job offers, by herself.

I prepared myself for emigration.  It was one of the major ironies of last year that, after years of listening to partisan assertions from those who share my politics that they would move to Canada if a Republican was (re)elected, no sooner had I helped to elect Obama, then I moved to Canada.  This irony was brought home to me with special force when I recalled that I had come home from my job visit to Nova Scotia and immediately attended the Inaugural Concert with my mother. (I had to work in Connecticut on the day of the actual Inauguration, alas.)

At any rate, D and I whisked ourselves off for a long road trip to my new home at the start of the summer.  I have many a picture I would like to upload to show you how stunningly well suited my new home is to a girl who has always lived in a mental world that most closely resembles a gothic novel, but the new Blogger interface is rebuffing my attempts to post pictures.  Does anyone have any advice to impart about this?

We wove our way along the Atlantic coast of New England, pausing to visit with our friends in Providence and attend my best friend's med school graduation in Boston.  Who would have guessed when we met in 5th grade that two decades later we would both be doctors?  This fills me with a strange satisfaction. 

In Maine we stopped to purchase exquisitely cheap outdoorsy gear, which would serve us well in the densely misty Maritime summer.  We ate "Moose Droppings" (malted milk balls) and Fresh Blueberry ice cream in Bar Harbor, but were too chicken to try the signature flavor, Lobster.  We did, however, eat lobster in virtually every other form it can be found in Maine and Atlantic Canada.  In the visitor centre in Acadia National Park, we ran into people we had known since our college days at UNC, people who had moved to Connecticut at exactly the same time that I did.  Small world.

It got smaller.  Our first stop across the border was in St. Andrews by the Sea, New Brunswick, a Loyalist bastion turned seaside resort that now has the odd feel of a ghost town, although at least one of its resorts is still functioning.  We were surprised to find that the War of 1812 still felt very current there - a fair number of (ancient) cannon are pointed at their southern neighbors even now, just in case the rebellious states get any aggressive ideas.  While we visited the historic Blockhouse, where troops stood sentry in times of war, I noticed a docent emerging from a car that sported a bumper sticker from my new employer.  I asked her about it, and it emerged that it was her fellow docent who attended my school.  Further questioning on both sides revealed that he was getting his Honors degree in English literature, and that he was the head of the school's Drama Society.  Less than 24 hours in one of the largest countries on earth and I meet the most relevant student at my new institution, which, I have to note, is in a totally different province.

We drove through the Fundy Coast of New Brunswick, site of some of the most extreme tides in the world, and then down through Nova Scotia to Halifax, my new home, an odd hipster fishing port.  We loved the first house we looked at, and rented it immediately before heading north again to Prince Edward Island, land of Green Gables.

Emigrating was a long and slightly irritating process (despite the extreme helpfulness of officials on both sides of the border), one which I have the feeling I haven't fully completed yet.  I only just filled out my national health paperwork a few weeks ago, after the fifth morning I woke up and heard about swine flu on the clock radio's news.

Suffice it to say I am loving everything about my new home - I hope to tell you more in a further post, but I will wind this one down, before it begins to assume Moby Dickish proportions.

Ah, it is so good to be back.

The return of Sycorax Pine

Oh... so many apologies for the unannounced 15 month absence. I am thoroughly, thoroughly, filled to the brim with shame. If it makes any difference, I will say this: they were the hardest 15 months of my life. That's right - harder than the previous 15 months, in which I finished a dissertation and received a doctorate. But I have been longing, of late, for a return to my blogging ways and friends... so here I am.

So, in brief, a summary of what has happened in the last year or so:

* * *

I moved to a new house at the beginning of August 2008 with my long-time friends and roommates.

This went, well, badly.

And thus began a year of firsts for me: it was the first time I have ever been treated really shamefully by friends of mine, the first time in my adult life in which I felt so mistreated by a friend that I had to force a confrontation, and, ultimately, the first time I ever broke up with a friend and never wanted to lay eyes on him or her again. I take friendship extremely seriously, so this was rather a shock to my system. In fact, it has taken me about five months to write this post, because it is so difficult to express how shattered this conflict made me feel, and I have only now (more than a year later) come to terms with the fact that "friends" could behave this way.

Then, with the aid of my supportive (and incensed - my mother had witnessed some of the roommates' egregious behavior in person) parents, I went about getting a new place.

Amazingly, I loved the very first one I looked at. I stepped into the hallway, saw built-in bookshelves, and said "I'll take it." And then I found out that the owner is a Carolina graduate (the house itself is Tar Heel blue - you know the saying, those of you who are Tar Heels, "How do we know God is a Tar Heel? Well, he made the sky Carolina blue."), and had been a drama major there, no less, I knew that the apartment gods were smiling upon me.

And that's when I learned what a friend really is. A friend is someone who come and picks you up when you call in tears, saying "I can't bear to be in this house with these people one more minute," takes you back to his house, and gives you a hammer and a
n old piece of lumber to pull nails out of, cathartically, for the rest of the afternoon. A friend is someone who comes in from out of town to help you move all of your furniture and thousands of books twice in a single month. A friend is someone who is incredibly stressed out and yet drops everything to talk to you when you are upset. But most importantly, a friend is someone who knows that you are acting in good faith with them, someone who knows that even when you act badly it isn't out of a lack of good will or caring, but just out of misunderstanding. And, praise Philotes, I have an abundance of these sorts of friends. I can only hope I prove as good a friend to them when they need me. Life's too short to have bad faith friends.

* * *

Shortly after my second move, I started in on the academic year. I had two jobs this year, teaching a total of three classes each semester. This may sound light to those of you who aren't academics, but it tripled my teaching load from last year, and it was brutal. Especially since each semester I taught a course that required students to submit a 3-5 page paper every week (and thus requires the instructor to grade and return a whole class's papers weekly).

It takes me an average of an hour to grade a single paper (sometimes - especially if the student is a clear and skillful writer - I can get this down to about 45 minutes, but more frequently it is about 75 minutes). I tallied it up a couple of weeks ago, and I found that by the time the semester is over I will have graded 460 essays this academic year. In other words, if I devoted every single waking moment to grading, it would still take me an entire month to complete the amount of grading I accomplished this year. And that doesn't even begin to address the exam prep and grading, the reading and lesson-plan preparing, the meeting with students, etc.

There were a lot of pedagogical challenges (teaching courses I hadn't taught before, addressing student questions and attitudes I hadn't encountered before) and there wasn't a lot of sleep. There wasn't
at all a lot of sleep. Or eating. At one point my friend Ch. came to visit and, seeing a moutain of recycling waiting in the front hallway (I had been too exhausted to take it to the curb the week before), exclaimed "Oh my god! You've been to the grocery store!!" in unconcealed joy. It's true, I didn't go once to the grocery store in my first three or four months in this apartment. There simply wasn't time. I woke up at 5 or 6 a.m., started working, went to the office, taught, came home, got back to grading, and worked straight through till midnight. When I couldn't work any more, I fell asleep watching bad tv on Hulu. Because I had terrible anxious insomnia all year, and the only cure was mind-numbingly formulaic television. Praise the media gods for Hulu. I miss it now that (spoiler alert) I am an emigrée.

And did I mention that, in the midst of all this, I acquired both a car and a driver's license for the first time? I never got a license at what might be thought of as the proper age, so when my second job required me to commute, I had to spend almost the entirety of the salary from that job acquiring the means of getting there. And that (given the
sleek efficiency of Connecticut's DMV bureacracy) was a nightmare in its own right. They sent me away so many times without even allowing me to schedule or attempt my driver's test (which I finally passed on the first try - phew), that I began to fear I would become known as "that woman who shows up at the DMV every few weeks and cries."

In fact, when they turned me away from my driver's test because I was registered in MD (where I bought the car, and thus where it had to be temporarily registered) but insured in DC (where my family lives), it got a little misty in the DMV as I pondered how on earth I was going to get to work for the four weeks until the next appointment I had been able to make for the test. I had already begged rides for several weeks while wading through other DMV-related complications, and I felt that I had come to the end of the favors I had to call in. I got into line next to a fully bewimpled Catholic sister and thought, "I mustn't cry, I MUSTN'T cry. It might upset the nun."

* * *

But, I have decided, none of this is what I am going to remember this year for. This won't be the year in which my teaching schedule taught me that there is a limit to the amount of work I can physically accomplish, or the year in which I learned what friendship really is, the hard way.

No, this will be the year in which three things happened:

  1. I helped elect Barack Obama.
  2. I helped (with my extensive and superstitiously rigorous fan voodoo) the North Carolina Tar Heels win a National Championship. THis voodoo included, but was not limited to,talking my students' ears off about the progress of the basketball season (even on one occasion, reciting a lengthy portion of Charles Kuralt's famous bicentennial speech in Chapel Hill - in which he asked, "What is it that binds us to this place as to no other? It is not the well or the bell or the stone walls. Or the crisp October nights or the memory of dogwoods blooming. [...] No, our love for this place is based on the fact that it is, as it was meant to be, the University of the people" - and then wiping irrepressible tears from my eyes.) My students endured all this, in part because I gave them a paper extension in honor of the Championship victory. I did demand that they refer to it as "the Tar Heels are National Champions Memorial Paper Extension," however.
  3. I got a job. A bona fide, 100% tenure track job. In Nova Scotia.
And that's where I will pick up my story in a post to come....